Stop Settling for Counterfeit Love

While pregnant with my second child, I had to stop wearing my engagement ring and wedding band because my fingers were too swollen.  I felt bad not wearing it, but I also didn’t want to spend a bunch of money to replace the ones that were just too small. After all, I was going to be back in the originals after I had that baby, right? (haha) 

Finally, it just felt too weird not wearing a ring, so my husband got online and ordered a shiny, new, temporary ring. The cost?  $4.00 shipped. 

After about seven years of wearing that ring (yes, you read that right...seven years), it lost one of its fake diamonds, so we bought a replacement. The cost was around $5.00. Inflation, I guess.

My current counterfeit ring and its cheap predecessor have been the symbol of my marriage for the last eight years. When people look at it, they assume it’s a ring of real diamonds. It sparkles and shines. It's beautiful in its simplicity. 

But it is an impostor for the real thing.

Many of the lies we believe about ourselves, the lies the world tells, and the things we use to fill our days and our hearts are cheap imitations for the love that only God can provide. The world's love is fleeting, it is fake, it is self-serving, and it is imperfect. Why do we keep trying to fill ourselves with this empty love? We can try all we want to replace His perfect love with counterfeits, but we will keep thirsting for what only the Living Water can quench. 

Let’s reflect on some truths about His perfect love.

Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations. 

Deuteronomy 7:9

 But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 

Romans 5:8

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ - by grace you have been saved.

Ephesians 2:4-5

The enemy tells us we have to work for love.  He tells us we have to love ourselves more, push our own agendas, or focus on our external beauty rather than our spiritual health.  But God loved us while we were still sinners. 

You matter.  

You have dignity because you are an image bearer of God. 

There is nothing you have to work for or prove; you just have to follow Him.

Today we need to accept that He is sovereign and He loves us. His love is perfect and unchanging. We have to take care of each other and we have to speak truth to ourselves and into the lives of the women around us. 

Stop settling for counterfeit love and run to the One who loves perfectly. 

Reluctant Hospitality: When Opening Your Home Feels Overwhelming

I have a confession to make.  Practicing hospitality scares me.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of hospitality. My shelf is full of books on the subject and I’m drawn to blogs that center around opening your home. My heart truly craves being hospitable to both friends and strangers, but sometimes I am self-conscious about my home and my ability to welcome people in. It’s a beautiful concept, but one I find myself struggling to put into practice.

About two years ago, my husband and I started building our home on some acreage out in the country.  We drew a floor plan on graph paper, then took on the laborious task of building from the ground up with our own hands. With each long day that we swung hammers, raised walls, put down flooring, and finally rolled on paint, I dreamed of all the people I would one day invite into this space. We would have more room, more outdoor space, and it would be better decorated and more welcoming. 

Now that we’re moved in, it has all those things, but it is also full of unfinished projects like baseboards and ceilings that still need paint, patchy grass that becomes a muddy mess with every rain, muddy floors from dogs that track in that muddy mess, and a honey-do list a mile long. There is always an excuse for me not to invite people. 

It all comes down to fear.

I’m afraid my house is never clean enough and I worry my guests will see all the imperfections.  I keep putting hospitality to the side until projects are done, or life isn’t too busy, or I feel like things are finally settled. 

Sometimes insecurity creeps in that has more to do with me than the state of my house. Truth is, I’m not the best at making new friends and social gatherings sometimes make me feel awkward and lonely. These same insecurities arise when I think about inviting others to my home.  What if it’s not the home they’re judging, but me?

So how do I get past this fear, especially when hospitality is a common theme running through scripture?

Years ago, I heard a speaker talk about loving others. He spoke of his desire to be a “there you are” person instead of a “here I am” person.  A “there you are” person puts the focus on others. It’s a beautiful description of loving our neighbor.  It is other-focused, instead of self-focused. 

It is Paul telling us, “Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor” (1 Corinthians 10:24). It is Jesus ministering to the masses, and to the individual. It is scripture reminding us that loving others is part of the greatest commandment.

Being hospitable means putting others ahead of myself.  When I’m focused on the guest and his or her needs, the wall of insecurity and fear I built around myself crumbles.

What does real, honest, open hospitality look like? 

It is inviting people over for a pancake breakfast on a Saturday morning even though there are dishes on the counter from last night.  It’s a backyard bonfire, while your two elderly dogs and one skinny, yellow cat snuggle up to your guests.  It’s taco Tuesday, minus the crunchy taco shells you forgot to grab at the store. Sometimes hospitality looks like picking up a few pizzas and bringing them to a friend’s house, so she doesn’t have to pack up all her kids and haul them across town during nap time.

 

Being hospitable is not extravagant and it’s certainly not about putting myself or my home on display. True hospitality puts the focus on the people who walk through my front door. When I make loving my guests a priority instead of feeling stressed or self-conscious about the state of my home, I create an atmosphere of comfort and fellowship. 

Hospitality isn’t about me. Instead, it’s about seeking what is good for those God calls me to love.  It is being a “there you are” person. I invite people in because I am imperfect, and they are imperfect, but together we can create beautiful fellowship and beautifully imperfect friendships.

If you let people in your life, soon they won't be just knocking on your door; they'll be knocking on your heart.

And you'll welcome them in with open arms.

Loving My Neighbor: Help Me to See with an Eternal Perspective

My sight is something I have never taken for granted.

When I was a teenager, I had one eye with perfect vision and one that was terrible.  The good eye got me through writing papers, looking at chalkboards full of notes and equations, and allowed me to only wear glasses when I was behind the wheel of my car.  Over the years, my vision got progressively worse and without corrective lenses, I was like the blind guy written about in the eighth chapter of Mark who told Jesus that he could see people, but they looked like trees walking around.

Fast forward to two years ago when my vision began to weaken even further.  I couldn’t see anything without corrective lenses and it wasn’t much better with my glasses or contacts.  In my job where I looked at computer screens, paperwork, and faces all day, seeing clearly was important. I was often plagued by headaches, had a tough time with eye contact, and struggled emotionally with this decline in sight.

God is so good to send us the right people at the right time and for me that was my new optometrist. She gently told me my eyesight had deteriorated due to a cataract in my left eye.  It was very rare, she said, to see one in a person my age (at that time 36) and she would send me to the eye surgeon ASAP.  I cried, partly out of relief and partly out of disappointment. Even with the surgery, my sight would never be perfect. My doctor cried with me.

Post-surgery, my vision is better than pre-cataract, but is still a struggle. If I have corrective lenses in both eyes, I can see distances well, but struggle to read.  If I remove the corrective lens from my left eye, I can read perfectly, but cannot see far away or safely drive. 

My vision will never be without problems. As I sit here writing, I am trying to adjust to another new prescription in my left eye.  My sweet eye doctor has made it her mission to help me adjust to my new sight, especially after another laser treatment to the cataract that grew back over my artificial lens.

The one thing I know is that nothing is perfect in this life.  We have sickness, sadness, and grief, all of which exist in a fallen world. 

I’ve learned through this journey that what is seen here in this life is not as important as what is seen through eternal eyes.  Everything I fix my eyes upon here on earth will fade, so I should give attention to what is not seen (2 Corinthians 4:18). Recently our pastor taught out of Hebrews 11:13-16 and the focus was on our future home. The writer reminds us this world is not our home because, if we are Christians, then our home is with our Heavenly Father for eternity.  This world will pass away, so it is best to put our focus on eternal things.

My sight here is faulty and sub-par, but it is just temporary.  What I should be focusing on is the sight that impacts eternity. 

My prayer is for an eternal perspective.

Help me to see the marginalized in my community and world who need someone to meet both their spiritual and physical needs.

The Bible is very clear about taking care of those in need and going to the ends of the earth to share the good news of Christ’s love and sacrifice for us.  The book of Isaiah is thick with encouragement to defend the oppressed, seek justice, take up the cause of the widow and orphan, and do good. God’s word compels us to see those in need and let God use us and the resources he’s given us to provide. Matthew 28:19-20 instructs us specifically to “go and make disciples” and various New Testament passages encourage evangelism. Shannon Martin, in her book Falling Free, puts these concepts together and reminds the reader that God sent His son to the earth to take the position of a humble servant. She states if He left his elevated position for a lowly one, it “should send us running breathless into every busted-up city, every barred-up shack, every cave, every cell, every pain-drenched street corner we can find in order to bring the good news¹."

Help me to see those in need of a friend.

Working in the public school system, I am very aware there is something lacking in our culture.  Unfortunately, this doesn’t just plague our children; it is prevalent in our adults as well. The more technological we get and the busier we are, the more we build invisible walls between us.  

Just look around.  You’ll see it in the people you encounter every day.  Maybe you’ll even see it in yourself.  As connected as we are with the press of a button on our computer or smart phone, it is a shallow, weak connection. It's like using dental floss to tow a broken-down vehicle.  This false sense of connection can lead to loneliness and isolation, and a lack of real friendship.

The truth is, we were all created for community.  From the very beginning, God didn’t think it was good for man to be alone.  God’s word gives us encouragement toward friendship, fellowship, relationship, and family. This starts with being more aware of the those around us and being willing to pursue those people.

Help me to see those who need mercy, not judgement.

Have you ever been the target of someone's judgmental attitude? It's a terrible feeling to receive judgement from another when really what you need is comfort.  If I mess up, I want someone to speak the truth in love, but certainly not forget that love is part of the equation. In dealing with our neighbor (friend, family, or acquaintance),  it is important to always remember the plank in our own eye before passing judgment on the speck that ails our neighbor’s eye.

Whenever anyone asks me for a book recommendation, I always tell them to read Interrupted by Jen Hatmaker.  It is full of wisdom and many, many quotable passages, but one part I always remember tackles the topic of being judgmental. Hatmaker writes, “We are only qualified to administer mercy, not judgement, because we will pull up many a beautiful stalk of wheat, imagining him a weed².” It is not our job to stand in judgment of those around us because no one is too low or too sinful for the grace of God, including you and me. Our responsibility is to show love and mercy.

Help me to see, REALLY see, the people I’m with every day.

Whenever anyone famous dies, an outpouring of admiration floods the internet.  I read articles listing all the ways a person was appreciated or labeled as good for the all the endearing qualities they possessed, and I wonder if their loved ones and admirers ever shared their thoughts with the person while they were living. It seems like a waste and a shame only to build someone up after death.

We can speak life into our family and friends.  We have the opportunity to see the good in them and make sure they know what qualities make them admirable. What’s the harm in saying kind words and pouring out encouragement? If I see my child being helpful to her sibling, I should say so.  If I know one of my dear friends is a great listener, I should point out what an awesome gift this is.  If I admire the confidence in one friend, or the humbleness in another, they should know I see these traits and hold them in high regard. 

We’re blessed to be with our family and friends so frequently it’s easy to take them for granted. My hope is to care for those around me, let them know how loved they are, encourage them, and point out all the wonderful traits and qualities that make them unique. We should spend more time building people up and see them the way God does...with eyes that see from an eternal perspective.

¹ Martin, S. (2016). Falling Free: Rescued from the Life I Always Wanted. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, Inc.

² Hatmaker, J. (2014). Interrupted: When Jesus Wrecks your Comfortable Christianity. Carol Stream, IL: NavPress.