It’s interesting how people come and go in our lives. Sometimes we lose people because of physical distance; sometimes we lose them because of emotional distance. Lives change, jobs change, and neighborhoods change, which can all lead to changes in who we spend time with and who we choose to
befriend. Occasionally we lose people because they have wounded us with hurtful
words or actions that are like painful daggers.
Or maybe we’re the ones doing the wounding.
A few years ago, I left a budding friendship because of hurtful
words spoken in anger. The side of me that understood human emotions and
motivation knew the anger was coming from a place of hurt and anxiety, neither
of which was caused by me. I was just
the unfortunate recipient of those words. As I left that evening I cried out of
hurt and embarrassment and I lost confidence in that friendship.
For a long time after, my stomach would knot up when I
thought about that encounter. That
experience festered in me and I couldn’t even think about that person without
feeling strong emotions.
But you know what?
God is good. He is a God of forgiveness
and asks this of us as well. Colossians
3:13 tells us to forgive if we have a grievance toward someone and to forgive as
Christ forgave. Ephesians 4:32 echoes that notion by telling us to forgive
each other as Christ did for us. Matthew 6:14-15 tells us that if we forgive
others, then our Father in heaven will forgive us.
In my thirty-seven years, there have only been a handful of
times that I have felt deeply wounded by another person. I would say I’m pretty good at letting things
go and most of the time it’s easy for me to see the best in someone despite
their shortcomings. By the grace of God, He keeps bitterness from festering. I know for some it is difficult to forgive,
especially when words damage and attitudes are foul.
The truth about forgiveness is that it not only paints a
picture of mercy and grace poured out for another, but as the one doing the forgiving
it frees us from bitterness and anger. In
some relationships, the person needing forgiveness may not know or care, but it’s
still important to forgive. It’s healthy to forgive someone in our own heart to
not be burdened by a past offence. Forgiveness is good.
One of the places most susceptible to conflict is within our
closest relationships. Loving our friends
and family is not an easy task because with them we are most vulnerable. What happens when they let us down? Again, it’s easy to hold on to grudges and
allow bitterness to take root, but it’s also important to know that people,
including you and me, are imperfect.
Although God created community and friendship and love, we
cannot put our faith in imperfect people.
No person can complete you.
Not your friends, not your kids, not your spouse. No human being is capable of providing all
you need to make you whole. No person
walking this earth, or sitting next to you on the couch, or holding your hand
can ever fully close your wounds or make you feel complete.
Only God can.
Only God can bring peace and perfect love. Only God can fully satisfy our longing for
relationship.
When we put others in a position to do only what God can, then
we are destined for disappointment. Other
people will let us down.
Every. Single. Time. It’s
inevitable.
To me, that’s why forgiveness is so important. If God can forgive us as we fail Him over and
over and over, to infinity, then we must learn to be more forgiving toward those
who fail us. “Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.” (Luke 6:36)
And hope they’ll forgive us as well.
Although that friendship didn’t move forward from that upsetting
evening, I have forgiven that person because I too am in need of forgiveness. I
feel like Paul who says in 1 Timothy 1:15, “The saying is trustworthy and
deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save
sinners, of whom I am the foremost.” I may not have persecuted or
murdered Christians, but I am a sinner guilty of words that damage, hurt, and
destroy. I commit sins of the tongue
every day. If I am extended mercy and forgiveness, how much more should I extend
that same forgiveness to others?
I am thankful I have a merciful God who covers a sinner like
me with overflowing grace and I pray I won’t
have spiritual amnesia when it comes to extending forgiveness to others.
4 comments:
I am working on forgiveness and forgiving people even for the small things (someone who honks at me in traffic). It's a freeing thing, but this is coming after 22 years in the faith. I don't have a history of forgiving easily. I justify myself in my head and hold on to anger and rehash. But your chosen scriptures are spot on. We need to forgive, as much for ourselves as for honouring our God.
Thank you for your honesty, Jennie. Forgiveness is always tough, but the outcome more than makes up for it.
Well said! This is something I've been grappling with lately as well - I don't do well with change and losing a friend over a disagreement is definitely never easy. I recently read Grace is Greater by Kyle Idleman, and he lays out forgiveness and grace so well. We can't expect God to show grace and forgive us for our sins if we can't do the same to our brothers and sisters here on earth. It's never easy, but if you don't at first try it will never happen.
You're right; it's never easy. I love devouring a new book so I'm going to look into Grace is Greater. Thank you for the recommendation!
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